Happy Birthday, My Love

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Today the kids and I would’ve baked a cake, wrote notes about how much you mean to us and feel  blessed to have you in our life.

 Or, ordered a batch of Wonton soup and enjoyed each other’s laughter. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time…

We had so many wonderful memories together and that’s exactly what I am trying teach our son. To remember you, to hold onto the love you had for him and for our family. And as part of my steps going forward, I’m still reading Healthy Healing. There’s so much I’m struggling with and through it all I’m trying to find that courage, that get-up-and-go drive. Some days, it’s there pushing me to do what needs to be done and some days, I feel like I truly get what the heck this book means.

Here’s one of the best lines from the book:

“Loss teaches us to appreciate the moment, to love what matters, that life is less about stuff and more about experiences and memories. Loss teaches us that we have a finite amount of time to do all the things we’ve dreamed of doing. We love more deeply, and give more freely. Loss is perhaps the greatest teacher available to humankind, and as the survivor of loss, you too are now enlightened with the gifts of grief. While I wouldn’t wish my pain on my worst enemy, I would wish my perspective of life on the entire world.” Author Michelle Steinke-Baumgard. 

I think the greatest gift was having my husband in my life, he had such a drive for life, to change things, to raise the bar just a little bit higher, always wanting to improve. And he did just that, he touched so many lives and I know he would want his children and I to carry onward loving life the same way he did.

While reading through the chapters, I could not grasp the notion that death, his death- my grief, would ever be seen as a gift.  But now, after reading, after taking some time to really look at it from all the different angles, I get it. Chris would have wanted me to fulfill all my dreams and hopes, he would want me to laugh, to smile, to cherish everything that is in my life. So, I know he’s not here with me to blow out the candles for his birthday, nor is he here to sit across the table and smile while we ate Wonton soup together…

But, he is here in my heart and soul cheering us onward. Happy birthday, My Love!

 

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